The following is the content of a letter to be opened in the event of my arrest and possible conviction for the (admittedly difficult to comprehend and almost unpardonable) offence of, er, smuggling seed potatoes into Ireland…
In which I plead my case for clemency and understanding.
I, The Daily Spud, do freely and of my own volition, admit that on Sunday last, the 24th of January 2010, I undertook to travel to the UK for the express purpose of acquiring seed potatoes to bring back to Ireland, knowing full well that, in the eyes of the nation, this is tantamount to an act of horticultural, if not national, treason.
I say seed potatoes, you say contraband
So did ya, then? Did ya get some heart-shaped potatoes from your valentine?
I jest not. Last week’s Sunday Mirror reported that these heart-shaped roasting potatoes from France, known as Francelines, were being carried in the UK by Tescos for this years Valentine’s market. They have only become available for sale there following the scrapping of an EU ruling which had banned the sale of mis-shapen fruit and vegetables. Thus, these heart-shaped taters are no longer to be hidden away and treated as the hunchbacks of the vegetable world, but, rather, will be made available for the delectation of the wider EU populace.
[image from http://www.mirror.co.uk]