Cirque de Légume
- 1 head of cabbage
- 1 large carrot
- 2 large leeks
- 3 large red chillies
- 3 small red chillies
- 1 potato
- 1 small beetroot
- 1 artichoke
- 1 large Spanish onion
- 2 spring onions
You’ll also need:
- 2 clowns, complete with red noses
- Pretend that your cabbage is a dog or other small, snappy animal.
- Entice your cabbage/dog to jump for a bone that looks amazingly like your carrot.
- Take your leeks and what remains of your carrot, wield as you would the banderillas  of a bullfighting matador.
- Make your bull eat the carrot. As you do.
- Joust using your large red chillies as fierce weapons.
- And be careful. Those small red chillies are the sharpest of knives.
- Hold a potato in your mouth, awaiting the throw of a chilli knife.
- Amaze your audience when, in one high-speed movement, you split the potato and catch the chilli knife between your teeth.
- Now demonstrate the power of your beetroot to hypnotise.
- Use your hypnotic power with care. It could have extreme consequences for your cabbage/dog.
- Now you will magically swallow your carrot several times until you produce a jar of chopped carrots, which you will later (obviously) feed to your pet seal.
- After that, you will seductively strip away the layers of your onion and eat some of it. Raw.
- Don’t forget to demonstrate the versatility of your artichoke as both a microphone and percussion instrument.
- And for your grand finale, rev it up with some latin vibes – play those spring onions and give it loads.
- One belly full of excellent entertainment.