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Circus Of The Vegetables

Cirque de Légume

You’ll need:
  • 1 head of cabbage
  • 1 large carrot
  • 2 large leeks
  • 3 large red chillies
  • 3 small red chillies
  • 1 potato
  • 1 small beetroot
  • 1 artichoke
  • 1 large Spanish onion
  • 2 spring onions
You’ll also need:
  • 2 clowns, complete with red noses
The Steps:
  • Pretend that your cabbage is a dog or other small, snappy animal.
  • Cirque de legume cabbage

  • Entice your cabbage/dog to jump for a bone that looks amazingly like your carrot.
  • Cirque de legume cabbage carrot

  • Take your leeks and what remains of your carrot, wield as you would the banderillas [1] of a bullfighting matador.
  • Cirque de legume leeks carrot

  • Make your bull eat the carrot. As you do.
  • Cirque de legume eating carrot

  • Joust using your large red chillies as fierce weapons.
  • Cirque de legume jousting chillies

  • And be careful. Those small red chillies are the sharpest of knives.
  • Cirque de legume small red chilli

  • Hold a potato in your mouth, awaiting the throw of a chilli knife.
  • Cirque de legume potato

  • Amaze your audience when, in one high-speed movement, you split the potato and catch the chilli knife between your teeth.
  • Cirque de legume small chilli in mouth

  • Now demonstrate the power of your beetroot to hypnotise.
  • Cirque de legume beetroot

  • Use your hypnotic power with care. It could have extreme consequences for your cabbage/dog.
  • Cirque de legume eating cabbage

  • Now you will magically swallow your carrot several times until you produce a jar of chopped carrots, which you will later (obviously) feed to your pet seal.
  • Cirque de legume magic carrot

  • After that, you will seductively strip away the layers of your onion and eat some of it. Raw.
  • Cirque de legume spanish onion

  • Don’t forget to demonstrate the versatility of your artichoke as both a microphone and percussion instrument.
  • Cirque de legume artichoke

  • And for your grand finale, rev it up with some latin vibes – play those spring onions and give it loads.
  • Cirque de legume spring onions

The Variations:
  • Endless
The Results:
  • One belly full of excellent entertainment.